10 Ways to Rev Up Your Relationship

Remember the vivid sparks? Remember the abundant passion?

Remember when you couldn’t think about anything else but being with your new-found love?

Regardless if that was a month ago or ten years ago, I know you can think back and remember.

And I know you can still feel it.

Maybe it’s mellowed out; maybe it’s sparklers instead of fireworks. But love is still there, and the excitement can be revived.

Here are ten strategies to rev up your relationship, enliven your passion, and revive your intimacy.

Relationships and the connections involved are essential for humans and can be sources of powerful happiness and fulfillment. The beginning stages, the creations of those connections often occur easily. Excitement and inspiration abound.

It’s the continuation of those feelings, the sustenance of the passion that are crucial…..

–and worth striving for!

Here’s how:

1 – Seek to learn more about your partner.

You might think you know everything there is to know about your partner, but are you exactly the same as you were when you first met? Have your interests, preferences, hobbies or tastes changed? Have you bothered to ask about new things your partner has taken on lately–projects at work, sports interests, hobbies, exercise regimens, food choices, books read, friends, etc.?

It can seem like you two have done it all, but have you explored all types of food, different vacation environments, local adult classes, newly developed board/card games, various movie genres, bringing an instrument home, or fresh ideas for home decoration or improvement? These are great ways to step out of your regular routines and discover new things about each other. You might discover hidden talents or unexpected new ways to connect.

There’s always more to learn about someone. Just asking new questions can be effective, but getting involved in the world in new ways together can really light up some sparks.

2 – Talk about your future together.

Making plans, dreaming out loud, discussing possibilities for anything new…. These activities can serve to renew romance, or if your married, to rekindle that commitment you two made to spend your life together.

Nothing beats having a common vision in a relationship. Positive anticipation is attractive; forward-looking is healthy for both of you. It’s promising and inspiring and can really rev up your relationship!

3 – Give, give, give.

Consider what really lights up your partner and makes him or her feel loved. This isn’t about what you want to do for your partner. It’s about what they want to receive.

People seek love in different ways: through words and language, kind things done for them, thoughtful and tangible gifts, physical touch, time spent closely together. People also have preferences for how to show love to others, and that can sometimes prevent them from truly reaching a significant other.

If you’re not sure if your expressing love in a way in which your partner is feeling fulfilled, it’s ok to ask. It doesn’t make it inauthentic to ask what someone wants and to provide it. My husband and I frequently choose our own gifts, and it’s funny how giddy we still get when the items are presented because we asked for and got exactly what we wanted.

You might still find a unique way to express yourself. If your partner wants to hear “I love you” often, you can learn to say it in different languages, whisper the words at unexpected times, write the words in little notes left around the house. If you like to give gifts, but your partner prefers quality time, buy and creatively box and wrap up tickets to an event you can attend together.

Figure out what speaks to your partner and give, give, give. You WILL also receive, believe me.

4 – Show affection physically.

Even if you’re not a touchy-feely person, every day muster up the motivation to touch your partner, even if it’s just a pat on the knee. Open yourself up to thoughts of rubbing up beside your partner in the kitchen, sneaking in for a hug, squeezing a hand for just a second, holding a good-bye or good-night kiss a little longer. Don’t worry about reciprocity or rejection. Just do it.

This type of intimacy really connects you, affirms your love, revs things up, and keeps you feeling like more than friends. It can also reduce stress for you both.

5 – Plan some fun.

Plan some new experiences and make some new memories. This doesn’t have to be extravagant vacations.

Go hiking, start a garden together, ride bikes, find out what attractions you haven’t seen in your town, go camping, go fishing, take a cooking or salsa class, take a surfing lesson, draw or paint together, get a new pet, take turns reading a joke book, binge on a comedy series, decorate, host a small dinner party, play card games (remember those?).

There are numerous ways to add a little fun and laughter to your daily lives. And if you can, go ahead and schedule a nice little get-away or weekly date nights around town.

One of my top five daily wellness practices is to produce laughter. In this post I explained how I’m not naturally funny, so I have to seek opportunities to make this happen.

Keep fun in mind always. Don’t let the humdrum of work and daily responsibility and grind keep your relationship stagnant. Think of and make time for activities to lift your spirits together.

6 – Share your intimate thoughts.

Your dreams, your fears, whatever drifts or weighs on your mind. Get comfortable with sharing your thoughts and feelings with your partner.

This has always been a tough one for me. My whole life I have struggled with vulnerability. I tend to be a dreamer, and I was not surrounded by other dreamers growing up. Pragmatism ruled my home and seems to be what I meet up with in life more than not. I am also more sensitive and optimistic than most people in my life. This has always led me to feel insecure and fearful about expressing myself, which has led me to inhibit the very intimacy I crave.

This is why I chose AUTHENTIC for my word of the year. (Discover your word of the year here!)

Let go of fear. Let go of worrying about your partner’s response. Start small and reveal yourself little by little. It is exhilarating to be truly seen and heard, but that will only happen if you open up.

Test the waters. You’ll most likely find comfort and acceptance; and the emotional intimacy you’ll create will help you thrive in and out of the relationship.

7 – Encourage your partner to grow.

A happy partner makes a partner happy makes a happy partner makes a partner happy….

Your partner may be holding back from doing or trying something out of fear of how you will respond. Be secure in yourself and in your relationship. Let him, encourage her, to grow.

And share in the joy. Being your partner’s biggest supporter will rev up your relationship for sure.

8 – Take care of yourself.

What is it like to live with you, work with you, spend an afternoon with you?

Assess how you are showing up in your life and relationship.

Are you stepping up as your best self? Do you feel good about your body and health? How well do you manage your thoughts and emotions? Is your life fulfilled beyond your relationship? Are you leaving a trail of light for others, or eggshells?

How you live, speak and act reflect your own state of mind. Recognize this and the needs that you can fulfill from within.

How can you be proactive and shift into a more positive mindset? What do you need to do to feel better about yourself and show up more vibrantly?

Do you need to try meditation or yoga to be more calm? Exercise or eat better to gain some energy or lose weight? Change negative thoughts or language around how things are going? Take up a new hobby or sport to add some zest? Clean up a space in your home to feel more organized?

You can find help with this here.

Elevating your mindset and happiness will get you into a better state to focus on your relationship. Your radiance will spread, and you’ll be more excited to meet your partner’s needs without feeling neglected or like you’re losing yourself.

9 – Notice what usually goes unnoticed.

Look for little things to appreciate. Notice the tiniest details that are often overlooked.

Compliment your partner’s appearance even when you’re just hanging out in scrubs. Notice and express appreciation for small tasks your partner takes care of regularly or out of the blue. Look for opportunities to express pride for your partner starting or sticking with a good habit, making a change, completing a project (even if it took a decade to get around to it).

Celebrate small and big wins. Sincerely praise your partner often and in public. Let your partner know you see him, you hear her, you notice all the things. Make them your hero.

10 – Recount your history together.

Recall the song that played when you first kissed, the restaurant or menu you enjoyed on your first date or several repeated dates, a great adventure you shared, a movie you sat through but missed because you couldn’t keep your hands off of each other.

Make a list of all the things that ignited your love for each other in the beginning. What were some significant events, environments, or people that contributed to your initial sparks?

Try to recreate some of those memories to rekindle the romance and remind you why you chose each other in the first place.

If you want to build and maintain a beautiful, passionate relationship, you certainly can! Commit to it, and don’t settle for anything less.

How do you keep your relationship revved up? Leave a message in the comments.

If you’re relationship is struggling, here is how I can help.

You might also like “The ART of Loving a Man” or “The ART of Loving a Woman”. Be sure to come back…. or better yet, sign up to get on my email list so you won’t miss a post! Sign up here.