Break Free From Perfectionism

You can break free from perfectionism, and I’m here to help!

You probably don’t need an introduction about what perfectionism is or how to know if you’re a perfectionist, do you?

I’m betting the title drew you in because you know you are a perfectionist and that’s either draining you or draining people around you.

I’m curious….

Perfectionsim shows up differently for different people. What kind of demands are you putting upon yourself? What are you demanding of those close to you, or the world?

Do you want so badly for things to always go a certain way? Do you realize that there is no such thing as perfection but still berate anything slightly offset?

It’s a challange, isn’t it? You have high expectations, you know perfection is impossible, yet it’s so difficult to relax.

In fact, do you cringe everytime someone tells you to just relax? Or dare anyone tell you, “It doesn’t have to be perfect.”

Ugh!

One thing to keep in mind is that some people are just impatient. When you’re being pushed to just relax, it’s not always about you.

Mostly they do have good intentions and want to see us bring our goals to fruition or complete our jobs and necessary tasks well, but they don’t struggle with the cognitive dissonance like you and I do.

So how do some people ‘go with the flow’ so easily? How do some people manage or even break free from perfectionism?

For me, I have to take deliberate steps to override the mental conflict my perfectionist brain produces. Those steps do NOT include putting myself down or stomping on my desires.

I’ve learned to investigate my thoughts and evaluate the amount of pressure I put on myself or others in different situations.

I’ve also worked on embracing my genuine TRUTH, who I am, what I do best, my greatest assets and limitations.

One year I chose ‘authenticity’ as my word of the year so that living my truth would be my focus for an entire year. It was soooo helpful! (A topic for a future blog post because I thoroughly enjoyed my exploration, and I’m happy to lead you through your own journey to authenticity.)

You can do this, too!

Three Truths to Help You Break Free from Perfectionism

Start with setting three truths in your mind:

• Placing demands on yourself won’t lead you to improve your life.
• Demanding conformity from those in your environment won’t bring forth what you desire.
• Insisting that the world follow suit with your views won’t bring everything into place for you.

Demands lead to rebellion, even when we put them upon ourselves.

Yes, you can rebel against yourself. How many times in your life have you said you must do something and didn’t follow through? You probably beat yourself up for not being disciplined enough or for being lazy.

What to do instead, to finally overcome perfectionism:

• Try getting to know yourself and those around you more deeply–stare at yourself in a mirror; pay more attention to others.
• See what truth you find and what you need to accept about yourself and those around you.
• Consider and appreciate all of our wonderful differences.
• Ask yourself these questions: What expectations are you holding on to that are unrealistic? Where did those expectations come from? What truth do you need to accept and what expectations need to be laid to rest?

Don’t worry….you don’t have to lower expectations. That can feel pressuring, too.

This is about embracing imperfection and exercising flexibility. It’s honoring your true self and your best capabilities and doing the same for others in your life.

I maintain high expectations for myself and always want to do my best as a mom, homeschool teacher, wife, life coach, and holistic health coach. I also realize I have certain strengths and limitations and that a lot of the goals I had earlier in life were not heartfelt but followed a story I thought was right to play out.

What about you?

Are you striving to reach goals that are meaningful to you or following an expected story line?

Over the years I’ve achieved many goals that I’m extremely proud of even though they weren’t the utmost goal one might have in that realm.

For example, I am a PhD dropout, but heck, earning a Master of Science degree in Counseling Psychology was a pretty challenging and satisfying feat. That PhD program just wasn’t for me, and a little bun in my oven helped me let go of that expectation quickly.

But I never let go of the expectation I have for myself for continuing education. I just allowed myself flexibility. I am constantly studying and learning, producing my own degrees of wisdom to share with others without the stress of yet another school program.

You can be a high-achiever and reach impressive goals without being highly stressed or shooting for perfection. You can challenge yourself in a more healthy manner and set more meaningful goals that bring you joy without pressure.

Also, recognize this:

Procrastination often stems from perfectionism. So…. if you tend to procrastinate, work on managing your perfectionistic tendencies and you will likely triumph over that challenge. You’ll start more projects when you feel a little more freedom.

Don’t let fear keep you stifled. Mistakes offer opportunities to learn, grow and show others that you are human and they can be, too.

Self-acceptance, Self-love and Self-talk

Self-acceptance directly affects your happiness and peace of mind and your ability to love and accept others. It’s also the gateway to break free from your perfectionism.

There may be many reasons why you might see yourself as inadequate—

• disapproval or criticism from your parents or others
• following too much of the “hustle culture” on social media
• taking things too personally
• a diagnosis
• self-highlighted deficiencies

These are not definitions of who you are, or reasons to berate yourself. They are small parts of your whole and can be managed and accommodated.

You’ve got to alter any self-talk that isn’t serving you well. I challenge you to follow any negative statement you say about yourself with three positive statements.

Or try saying one or two or all of these affirmations to yourself every day:

• I can create what I desire for my life without being demanding of myself or others.
• I can commit to my goals without needing approval from others.
• When my goals are realistic and set in a healthy manner, I don’t have to succumb to others’ impatience.
• I can achieve impressive goals without over-stressing.
• I exercise flexibility and embrace imperfection.
• I honor my true self and do my best.
• I love to challenge myself in a healthy manner.
• I set meaningful goals that bring me pleasure.
• I allow myself freedom to start without a plan for perfection.
• I can make mistakes, learn and grow.

There is still so much of you to love, honor and respect. Start there and you’ll be better able to love, honor and respect those around you as well.

You might also like to read this post that will guide you to choose a powerful word of the year for yourself. It’s a way better alternative to new year resolutions! Word Up! Find Your Word; Find Your Way

If you want to work on self-acceptance and self-worth, here’s a great place to start: 25 Powerful Questions to Develop Your Self-Worth

If you’re ready to set meaningful goals for yourself you’ll love this walk through: Your Guide to Supercharged Goal Setting

Also, It can be extremely helpful to work with a trained professional, perhaps a coach like me, who can guide you through some of these questions and self-reflection. The investment in yourself and positive results will carry over into all areas of your life. Get in touch with me privately HERE.