From Chaos to Calm

Are you struggling to find calm and peace throughout the day?

Do you find it impossible to stabilize your daily life?

Do you wish you could be more clear-headed and in control?

This blog post is for you.

I’ve also created a quick reference guide and worksheet so you can have a summary of this blog post and plan out how you will implement YOUR best strategies to flow from chaos to calm.

Click this link to download the “Chaos to Calm Guide and Worksheet”.

Read the full blog post here, then use the guide and worksheet to make your plan!

In a day you can face numerous confrontations with people, food, various crises, mild or major stressors, emotions, physical challenges, difficult choices… There can be so many situations that can trigger you and send you into a panic or into hiding mode, or worse if you’re prone to severe anxiety. 

There’s so much talk about self-care and especially the benefits of deep breathing and meditation. Many people find great success and comfort from these strategies. 

But if you’re like a lot of people I know and work with, the commonly suggested morning meditation, journaling, or quiet time, etc., is just not enough to get through a whole day. 

Maybe you’re starting the day strong but frazzled by noon. There could be doors at which you just cringe upon entering, people that turn your body into a shuddering mess, anticipations that make you want to curl up and hide.

You pump yourself up every morning, but end every evening defeated and depressed.

Deep breathing, meditation, prayer, mindfulness… all are good starts. Some of my clients who experience anxiety have learned deep breathing exercises from me, doctors, therapists, or friends. 

The problem is they usually wait until their anxiety hits to start a deep breathing exercise, then find it extremely difficult to draw breaths, and they lose control. 

Even if you aren’t experiencing severe anxiety, it can still be severely frustrating to keep getting drowned by the chaos and feeling stressed, out of control, and sunken at the end of the day.

So, to move from chaos to calm you need two things:

1. You need effective calming strategies that are easy to implement and will get you through the chaos all day long.
2. You need to determine anchor spots in the course of your day when you will use those strategies for grounding and regrouping.

Let me explain further.

1. Effective calming strategies:

I don’t want to patronize you with a bunch of self-care rituals that might only help you relax a little bit. I want to arm you with an arsenal of effective tools with which my clients and I have had great success finding calm in the daily chaos.

• Breath Work – the number one strategy for calming and centering your mind and body… 

….But it’s more than slowing down your breathing. It’s focusing on a pattern of breathing that is scientifically proven to help you get control of your parasympathetic nervous system and thus your mind and body. 

Your breaths will be somewhat deep and cause your diaphragm, just below your rib cage, to expand and contract while your shoulders and arms stay lax at your sides or on your lap. I say somewhat deep because you want to breath a little slower and deeper than normal but relaxed, not in a way that tenses your body or tightens your chest.

The pattern I most love follows a 4-4-8 ratio. I breath in through my nose for a count of 4, hold the breath for a count of 4, and breath out through my nose for a count of 8. 

You can work up from simple counting 1-2-3-4, to lengthening the counts to full seconds saying in your mind “one-thousand one—one-thousand two—“, and so on. 

Sometimes I linger just a bit before inhaling again, but I try to keep it steady and even.

That’s the key: steady and even breathing, steady and even body and mind. 

• Visualization – beyond your happy place… 

….But if that works for you, go for it. 

I need to see something that will help me let go and feel in control. So do my clients. 

So, here are two scenarios I recommend specifically for finding calm in the chaos: 

1.  In your mind picture a flowing river and an old stone bridge just about as far as you can see down the river. Imagine a wooden raft floating in front of you on which you can place all your worries, frustrations, and anxieties—the people, the events, the obstacles that you’re fretting about. Then nudge the raft off into the streaming river and watch it drift away, smoothly towards the bridge, under the bridge, until it’s gone, out of sight. If anything else comes up imagine another raft and set off another load. Keep watching it all go until you feel free and less weighted.  

2.  Find yourself sitting under the ledge of a cliff in a small cave lit up by the sun. A huge waterfall is pouring over the ledge in front of you, beautiful light dancing through the glass ribbons. Imagine all of the stresses from the day and the stresses yet to come just gushing over, dropping to the natural pool below and flowing away. Most importantly let all of your negative thoughts, negative words from others that you hear or anticipate, negative feelings…let them all spill over and flow down and away, dissipating.

• Yoga Poses – just a few, and with no sweat… 

Simple Mountain Pose will have you standing strong on your own two feet, tall, stable and balanced. Hands can press into a prayer position or reach high over head. Expanding your arms and opening yourself in this way is more empowering than tucking yourself away. 

Warrior Poses are powerful ways to surrender your ego and realize that we are interactive and interdependent beings. There is no hiding; and you don’t need to hide. 

Triangle Pose helps open up your heart and quiet the noises in your mind. It reminds you that tension can come and you can release it, remaining stable and free.

• Nourishment & Hydration – to balance your autonomic nervous system… 

It’s common to feel sick to your stomach when tension arises or after. Some foods both help to control your body’s response to stress and ease digestion. 

Choose whole foods for snacks and meals that contain good amounts of omega-3 and omega-6 fatty acids, B vitamins, calcium, magnesium and zinc. Great choices include sardines, salmon, eggs, meats, nuts, and root vegetables. Top these foods with real butter. 

Try one cup of coffee, decaffeinated if caffeine is overstimulating for you, with a teaspoon each of cacao powder, maple syrup, butter and coconut oil—all ingredients that fit the bill above and for me serve as a natural antidepressant in a cup. Mmmm…. 

There’s no diet to follow here, but limiting processed foods, refined sugars, alcohol, and maybe dairy and gluten could be good ideas for some people suffering from daily anxiety, depression, or stress from chaos. 

And finally, drink plenty of water and/or herbal teas to help flush away anxiety and ease that dry throat that often comes on when stress starts pumping. 

Adding citrusy flavors to your water and teas can make them more enjoyable and give you a bonus aromatherapy boost. 

• Music – an easily forgotten yet simple tool… 

Hit the playlist of your choice: some mellow instrumentals, soothing windpipe vibes, vibrant symphonies, strong empowering vocals, silly 80’s dance songs… 

Whatever feeling you’re looking for, let music move you into the state of being you desire. Let it pump you up, or let it calm you down. 

This tool comes into play for me when I’m dreading a task, like cleaning…ugh! Or when the silence of a room gets me ruminating and I find myself too much in my head. 

Sometimes it’s Celine Dion or Mariah Carey. Sometimes it’s Red Hot Chili Peppers or classic No Doubt. A lot of times it’s reggae and island mixes, which usually turn our little sailboat home into a dance club. 

Songs are always in my head, lyrics that help me muster up courage when I need it, relax me when I’m wound up, make fun out of dread. 

But sometimes I forget. I let the feelings overwhelm and bring me down and I forget how effective this tool can be. 

I remember, push play, and then all is well. 

Don’t you forget. Create some playlists for yourself and remember you can push a single button and change your attitude, your motivation, your world.

• Mantras – and this doesn’t have to get woo-woo… 

Consider who you want to be today and in the upcoming dreaded, stressful situations. How do you want to feel, behave, present yourself? 

That’s it. Now formulate a sentence or two. 

Here’s mine: I want to be light in mind, body, heart and spirit. I want to be fun, loving, easy-going and kind. I want to be a good listener and understanding. So these are the things I tell myself that I AM every day. 

Speak to God, the universe, your higher self, whatever higher power you believe in. Speak positively and encouragingly. 

Again, you can use this tool to pump yourself up or calm yourself down. 

However you want to be, know that you already have it in you, and if needed ask your higher power to help you draw it out.

2. Anchor spots:

If you’re aware of triggers and know what will excite your anxiety, you can plan ahead for those situations. You can choose from the self-care strategies above, give yourself a few minutes before heading into situations, and set yourself up for better results. 

If you’re just a ticking time-bomb, whether your bomb contains explosive boasts or showering tears, you’re going to have to do a little more planning. 

Look at your daily schedule and routines and see where you can fit in and create rituals around self-care. I’m talking about minutes here and there throughout your day, little times of transition, or mini-escapes, not lengthy sessions you don’t have time for.

First, I recommend looking at your morning routine. 

• How can you implement one of these strategies to get your day started? 
• Can you recite your mantra before you get of bed? 
• Can you guzzle down a glass of water that you left by your bedside the night before? 
• Can you practice a visualization while you brush your teeth or wait on toast or coffee? 
• Does your breakfast include quality protein and healthy fats that will fuel you and sustain your energy? 
• Can you do one empowering yoga pose and take one rhythmic breath as soon as you pop out of bed or before you walk out the door? 

I like playful music in the morning to help my son and I get going and motivated for homeschool, but only after I’ve taken time for my own self-care before he wakes. 

How can you take a few moments every morning to set yourself up for success?

Next, think about how you end each day. 

Which strategy might help you unwind? 

• If your day didn’t go well, perhaps imagining the mishaps flowing on a raft down the river might help you release your ruminating thoughts. 
• Do you need to find a good source of magnesium to help you sleep, like a square or two of low-sugar, high quality dark chocolate, or a gentle magnesium oil rub? Topical sources work really well. 
• Chamomile tea, or a yummy sleep blend, can be very soothing, as is the whole ritual of warming the water or milk, drenching the tea bag, breathing in the steaming aroma, and finally settling down to sip on the comforting brew. 

Getting good quality sleep is the most important way to start a day right. So how can you treat yourself to a good night’s sleep?

Finally, seek out regular activities in your day that can serve as anchor spots, opportunities for you to regroup and keep yourself grounded all day long. 

• One easy one is restroom breaks: Commit to standing in Mountain Pose for two full deep breaths every time you go to the restroom. You go to the restroom at least a few times per day. As silly as it may seem, it’s the perfect regular anchor spot. 
• Do you have to commute every day? Another perfect time for breath work, reciting mantras, listening to uplifting or soothing music. 
• Let every threshold you cross be a reminder to draw in a deep breath and see that cascading waterfall gushing away all your fears, doubts, worries and negative self-talk. 
• Set a timer to remind you every two hours to drink a glass of lemon water and breath deeply between sips. 
• If you’ve been wasting away a regular break time with useless activities consider what would be more helpful for lifting you up, clearing your head, or giving you peace. 
• Think back to strategies that helped you before that you’ve let go of lately.

You can’t wait for stress or crises to pile up. That puts you into reaction mode too often and keeps you faltering and getting discouraged. 

You’ve got to be ahead of the game, ahead of the chaos. 

Decide to set anchor multiple times each day and commit to giving yourself the advantage of self-control. This is how you will thrive and not merely survive.

That’s what I want for you! 

So tell me, what anchor points can you set for your day? What will you incorporate to help yourself feel more confident about tackling each day more calm, centered and stable from the get-go?

I’d love to hear what works for you. Leave me a message in the comments or contact me here.

Remember you can download the guide and worksheet to help you really bring these strategies to life in a way that works for YOU!