One day you’re going about your usual routine: morning coffee, a peaceful meditation, a groggy child scarfs down breakfast, a commute of spelling words, a drop-off, a race to work, a successfully tackled to-do list, a pick-up, a dance class or soccer practice, dinner, a chat about tomorrow’s plans, and all down for the count.
Then a crisis hits.
Morning coffee is interrupted by horrible, fearsome news. A peaceful meditation turns into desperate prayer. A child gets to sleep in, and you get to assess your emergency supplies. A commute of panic gets you to the nearest store, stocked up and home quickly. There is no to-do list. No school, no dance class, no soccer practice, and who knows what’s for dinner. There is no chat about tomorrow.
There is only fear, sorrow, and uncertainty.
It hits all over affecting you physically, emotionally, socially, economically, spiritually. It is draining and will surely test you.
But you can weather a storm. You have courage and resilience.
And, if you feel like you need some extra support, here is a guide to help ANCHOR yourself, your family, and those around you.
A – Acknowledge feelings, fears and frustrations.
N – Notice what is real and true.
C – Calm another.
H – Hone in on rhythm and routine.
O – Open your mind and heart to adjustment, recovery, and a new future.
R – Rest and restore resilience.
A – Acknowledge feelings, fears and frustrations.
Crying is allowed. In fact, it can serve as a powerful release of stress hormones.
Screaming is allowed. It’s best and possibly quite productive in an open field, on top of a mountain, or by an open sea.
Worrying is allowed. I think we’re all doing it.
All the emotions are allowed, natural and normal. You are still living after all, and gratefully so.
What is not okay is allowing yourself to resign to these sorrowful emotions, negativity, hopelessness, or to certain doom.
Nothing is certain right now, not even doom.
I know it can be extremely difficult to look up right now. Everything is in upheaval and out of control. Acknowledge how you feel about this, how your family and friends feel about this.
Write about it:
- Journal about how you feel.
- List your worries and frustrations.
- Put your thoughts and feelings into poetry, art or musical lyrics.
Talk about it:
- Express yourself honestly with your partner, friends and family.
- Let others know if you need help and what they can do.
- Open communication lines with others who may be staying awkwardly quiet.
Mourn for it:
- Let your heart pour out as it needs to.
- Give yourself time to let go of the past normal.
- Spend some time in solitude and going into the depths of your soul.
Accept and love yourself unconditionally, no matter how you’ve reacted so far; AND decide that you will not allow yourself to remain stuck.
To gain some control, keep from feeling helpless and powerless, and find your way back….
N – Notice what is real and true.
Constantly tuning in to mainstream news or social media will destabilize you and keep you stuck believing a lot of doom and gloom. It is so important to remain conscious of your frequency and what’s contributing (e.g. news channels).
Stay informed, AND protect yourself from being sucked in and injected by others’ fears or imprinted by others’ points of view.
That means you must decide what you consume regularly. Are you letting that little news real at the bottom of the screen run through your mind all day long?
Your best contribution to those around you and to the world is to choose to strengthen your focus.
Take inventory. When fear crouches up, check in to see if it’s really yours or if you picked up on someone else’s negative vibe. If it’s really your fear, utilize this guide to help you shift your energy.
You have a choice to continue living authentically. Remember what is important to your heart and soul.
Focus on people you love, things that bring you joy, places you adore.
And with that focus, it might help to….
C – Calm another.
You can choose to join fearful crowds and magnified scenarios, even bring others down, or you can choose to exercise discipline around your fears and adopt and spread empowering beliefs.
Human faith and earnestness can also have viral effects.
In midst of pain and in spite of fear you could transfer determination onto others. You could be an anchor in a chaotic sea. You can handle what life brings.
How can you help others do the same?
A crisis calls for innovation and creativity.
Point out positive things you notice: people getting outside more, cooking at home, completing projects, sharing recipes, and connecting in unique ways; some waters clearing up; air quality rising over some lands.
Reconnect with loved ones and those who may have slipped but recently returned to your mind.
How can you support others right now? It will be a win-win as you bless someone else’s life and reinforce your positivity and focus.
To anchor at home….
H – Hone in on rhythm and routine.
That is, rhythm or routine for your days:
Every individual and family will have different needs, different things to get done, different ideas for how to make it all work.
You might believe or insist that a strict schedule will ensure schoolwork, adult-work, and housework all get completed. But that might be too much to ask of yourself and your family during this time. That might be chaos in the midst of chaos.
Consider how much time needs to be devoted to each area, and give yourself and your family time to gradually develop a schedule or routine and fall into a rhythm.
It will be helpful to keep some things as they were. Morning routines perhaps can start as they did before with a little tweaking.
- For example, I rise early because when my son wakes up he comes directly to me, always has, always won’t. It’s so special right now. But, I am not apt to give up my coffee, meditation and inspirational time in the mornings just because he rises earlier than usual. Instead I take him in my arms and invite him to join me, to close his eyes and help me bring peace to our home. That’s how I describe meditation to him, bringing peace. I invite him to listen to a podcast or read with me. Sometimes he lasts, sometimes he wiggles away. I won’t end my me-time right away to accommodate him. His acceptance has taken time, but with gentleness and gradualness I believe I’m teaching him to respect others’ time.
The key is gentleness, gradualness, and openness to adjustment rather than giving up hope for normalcy. This requires incredible patience, I know. Please believe that I know.
What are your non-negotiables? How can those be structured to please you and those who have to work around them? What gradual process could make that structure happen?
- For example, start tackling one school subject 30 minutes per day for one week. The following week determine if you need to add more time for that subject or if you can add another 30 minute block for another subject. Don’t try to add both. Provide lots of encouragement through the week and reminders that next week there will be a little more added. Think gradual and gentle.
- Another example could be devoting a small block of time to your work and for your partner to take over parent duties. Then swap the same amount of time. Start with 15-30 minutes and add a minute each day, or 10 each week. If you are a single parent, this may be free play for your children nearby. Maybe you can swap time with a trusted friend or neighbor. There is no shame in some screen time either!
So, figure out how to make something happen for just 15-30 minutes. Set a timer. Give lots of encouragement and warnings that the time is coming. Don’t try to do more than the allotted time will allow. Keep your expectations low for a while. Talk to your employer about your plan for gradual progress if it’s the best you can do right now.
Again, everyone is different. Maybe you do need strictness, OR maybe it’s just that you’ve been told that kids need so much structure. Maybe you’re afraid that if there isn’t order there isn’t learning. If there isn’t a schedule there won’t be anything.
Have a family meeting to discuss all the to-dos and want-tos and share ideas for piecing the day together. Consider best times according to motivation levels and your family preferences, not societal expectations.
You determined how much time should be devoted to areas of necessity, and now you set up your days to flow, to cycle through what needs to get done and what will add some fun. You might designate time slots for the important areas, but not every little thing has to be micro-managed.
Think about what can be combined; and think outside of common time frames.
- Have you always thrived working late at night after your kids went to sleep? Don’t let them stay up. Keep them on their usual sleep cycle, a benefit for them, too.
- Do you usually drop kids off at school and head to the gym? Switch to home bodyweight workouts and videos and get them involved in your workouts, too. Try free online martial arts classes or sports workouts. Don’t underestimate the physical challenge you might experience from kid videos.
- If your children were used to coming home and doing homework in the evenings, that might be a good routine to maintain with newly required homeschooling. It might be nice to get outside in the mornings and settle down for school work in the afternoons. Some families just need to start early.
- Try letting go of a timed schedule and creating a flow of activities, perhaps around meal-times: there’s three blocks of the day to flow from meal to together time to independent time to the next meal and so forth until the end of the day and bed time. Fill those blocks of time as you see fit, perhaps alternating between work and play. So everyone knows the flow of the day but there is not a time-crunched schedule to maintain or feel pressured by.
Make lists of things that need to get done for school, work, chores, etc., and a grand list of fun activities to fill open spaces. Cycle through those lists through the week. I prefer this over planning daily lessons and to-dos. For me that is too much pressure and too much bother when days fall short, opportunities arise, new clients call, or clients need to reschedule.
- For example, I write out and prepare several school lesson plans at a time and we cycle through them, going as far and deep as we can each day and moving on the next day. If my son is extra focused one day, why not forge further? If he’s squirrelly one day–or if I am!–why not get outside for some extra PE time instead?
- Also, in our days I want to include activities that will enrich my son’s education and our lives: reading aloud, writing projects, building projects, art, music, games, nature walks, snorkeling, outdoor play, social time, etc. These things don’t go into squares on a planner page. I keep a list of ideas for our free time and we cycle through different activities.
- Also, for my work I keep a running list of blogging, marketing, networking and client-centered tasks and cycle through them in pockets of time. Only actual coaching sessions are scheduled.
Now don’t think I don’t have a plan every day. I do. It’s just that I can’t predict what interferences might occur, weather reports are unreliable, my husband’s work is sporadic, I like being flexible for my clients, and who knows when a horrible worldwide viral outbreak might blow it all to pieces.
Let go of perfection. Nothing is perfect for anyone right now.
Your blocks of time will get longer; your productivity will increase; your innovation and creativity will come to light.
Have faith that you will get it all done. You have to, and you will.
And, you might also reconsider what “it all” really means….
O – Open your mind and heart to adjustment, recovery, and a new future.
This is an incredible time to exercise creativity and novelty. Some of you will love this opportunity to recalibrate and set some new standards and practices for yourselves or in your homes.
Some of you might be freaking out.
Mindset is key right now. If you keep thinking all has broken loose and you can’t fit pieces back together, if you keep shaking your head in disbelief or annoyance, if you keep saying you can’t figure this out, you won’t. Someone else will figure it out for you, and not to your liking; or a mess will develop that will be extremely difficult to clean up once this is all passed.
And it will pass.
How do you want to look back and think about how you handled the situation? How do you want your children, spouse, friends, extended family to see you on the other side? What would make you think back and say, “I rocked this!”?
Open your mind and heart. Allow yourself to imagine every day how things can roll out in a positive way now and later. Each night allow yourself to dream of a beautiful day ahead and beautiful possibilities for your future. Each morning allow yourself to picture a perfect day unfolding and a perfect life ahead. Believe you have the ability to make these things happen.
Every morning I open my mind and heart to peace. I envision peace in my home, in my relationships, and for my clients. I reaffirm my ability to maintain peace within, with others, with the environment, and with current circumstances. However, my days are NOT always peaceful. I can’t control all of those things; sometimes I react instead of maintaining composure; I make mistakes and watch others near and far do the same.
But I always know that I can have and produce peace if I want to. I don’t always see the sun rise, but I know it will! Even a cloud covered sky doesn’t change my mind about the sun being there.
You believe it, too. I know you do. You didn’t read this far because you’ve totally given up hope. Perhaps the clouds are a little thicker for you, or maybe you just need a little inspiration. But you remember the sun. It’s still there. It’s going to shine bright again.
Keep an open mind; think forward. Keep an open heart; see what grabs you and pulls you, what your higher power calls you toward.
And finally….
R – Rest and restore resilience.
This is not a time to check out, but to rest, regain composure, restore your faith, and resiliently move forward.
You are being called to truly anchor into who you are and become solid and steady in the face of adversity.
Your energy may have become fragmented because of the prevalent panic and fear. But remember we get on highways every day with people flying past unsafely; we see failures around us all the time in marriages and businesses—AND we’ve learned, adapted, grown, and started over in many ways.
The same resilience will prevail now.
Choose to continue to live authentically. Call on your inner strength and resourcefulness. I am no warrior, and I won’t pretend to be; I choose and aim to be a beacon of hope and faith.
Notice blind-spots revealed now and take action with your new perspective. Have you developed new priorities or values? How will you move forward differently?
Direct your thoughts and energy to coming up with solutions for your family dilemmas, restoring relationships and connection, increasing or maintaining healthy practices, and thinking forward.
This is not a downward spiral. Spring will follow this winter. Nature is demanding it.
So, REST….
And….
- every few hours do something enlivening;
- keep dreaming and talking with others about the future;
- make new connections and rekindle those from the past;
- lean into your spirituality and faith;
- exercise your mind with word puzzles and games;
- create something;
- move your body;
- stay hydrated;
- eat healthy food;
- get in nature;
- play, listen and dance to music;
Do what you need to feel good…
…and sometimes put some real clothes on. 😉
If you found this helpful or have some thoughts to add, I’d love to read about it in the comments below.
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Thanks for reading and sharing!
Live, love and be well!
Jennifer
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