The ART of Loving a Woman

A – Acknowledge and applaud her differences.

Women are complex. Big surprise?

Women are also understandable. I promise!

We don’t mean to be difficult. We don’t want to keep in secret thoughts, desires, wants and needs. We don’t mean to be so mysterious….at least not all the time.

We want to speak up and live transparently and according to our feminine nature. We are naturally more sensitive, intuitive, feelings-oriented, and expressive.

We don’t want to be clones of the men in our lives; and even though you may wish at times the woman in your life would think or act more like you do, you don’t want her to be just like you. Do you?

Why did you fall in love with her?

Maybe you had some things in common, but I bet if you really think back you’ll answer that question with many attributes that don’t resemble you at all. In fact, you might recall things about her that are exactly opposite of yourself; and those might have actually become wedges in your relationship now.

But they don’t have to be.

If you can recognize and learn to appreciate her differences you’ll be golden to her. Provide security and trust so she believes she can express herself fully, and you’ll seal your connection and love.

Here’s how:

You can build trust by first accepting that she doesn’t see, feel, or do things the way you do. Look into her heart, inquire, and acknowledge that she is different.

She’s different from you—men and women have a lot of obvious differences. She’s also different from all those gals from your past. She’s not the same as your mom or sister.

She’s different, and that is such a good thing!

Get to know how she is different.

Start by really listening to her without judgement or interjection. Look intently at her to show you care about what she says and you value her opinions. No need to prepare a response, offer answers, or come up with a game plan for her.

Just listen.

A lot of women in the couples I work with complain that the men don’t listen. They say their partners don’t seem to pay attention, often mistake their words, and/or cut them off with their own opinions and ideas.

Let her finish talking. Suck it up as much as you can. Women tend to be more verbal and need to talk things out.

If she’s going on absolutely too long for you to handle, only after you’ve shown significant effort and patience, tell her sweetly that you need a break or the shorter version. Don’t comment about her ‘babbling’ or use any other demeaning term. Simply say that you are interested but having a hard time keeping up with her.

If you don’t understand what she’s saying, or it doesn’t make sense to you, ask more questions. Help her feel safe to go on. Give her space to work through whatever she’s talking about and look for clues to how she feels about it.

You don’t need to tell her what you think about it or what you think she should do. Tell her what you see or hear from her. Do you see her body tensing or relaxing, hear her voice trembling or rising, notice that she beams about something or sulks as she speaks? Those are the things to mention, reflecting that you see and understand how she feels.

The woman in your life wants to be heard, supported, and loved no matter what. We all want to feel free to speak, but women especially want to feel free to speak from our hearts and be heard from someone else’s.

Remind her of her own strengths and how supportive and proud you are of her decisions, ideas, and actions. Grant her wish to fully express her womanhood in every way, not just the physical ways you relish.

R – Reveal yourself to her.

Your masculinity; your emotional side. Your strength; your compassion. Your thoughts and opinions; your feelings.

She wants to see all of you.

She wants to see and know the sexy man outside and the interesting man inside.

Remind her that the man she was attracted to in the beginning still exists. Renew your energy and connection to who you are, the man she fell in love with.

Get solid on what you want in life, what you value, and what you are passionate about. Reveal a man with focus and direction.

Reconnect with your strengths and what you bring to the table in your relationship so she sees your confidence and commitment.

Show her your macho manly side, and balance that with sensitivity and nurturance. Trust me: she is thrilled with your masculine strength; she’s also excited by your ability to soften sometimes.

By revealing all aspects of yourself to her, you also show her that she is a welcome part of your world

T – Tell her you love her.

Say the words. Say them often and voluntarily.

If she asks, say, “Yes, I love you.” Don’t show annoyance or say anything else like, “Of course I do.” And definitely don’t tell her she shouldn’t be insecure….unless you want her to become more insecure or upset. Just ease her doubt….and make a mental note to tell her more often.

Say it every day—in different ways if you want—but don’t feel pressured to be so creative.

It’s nice to point out the qualities you love, but just saying I love you makes it unconditional, not based on anything at all. She has your love no matter what. That feels so good!

Maybe you’re afraid saying it too often will diminish its meaning. Maybe you haven’t shown her love through many actions; maybe she’s said that words aren’t enough.

Still, don’t stop saying those three little words! You will back them up! You will step up to the meaning the more you say it.

Every time the words come out you recharge your love; you keep it alive. You recommit to her and your honor for the relationship. You affirm her and all her differences.

You will be the reel drawing you closer to each other. You will keep your love for each other at the forefront of everything you do together and separately. You will deepen your relationship and make it an essential part of your lives.

You are a powerful man. Realize that. Let her see that. Validate her. Tell her you love her.

Enjoy the rewards!

Thanks for reading. I hope this gives you some helpful insight about loving and connecting with the woman in your life or in your future.

Man or woman, I’d love to know your thoughts about the art of loving a woman. Leave a comment below.

You might also like to read “10 Ways to Rev Up Your Relationship”.

You might like or want to pass on “The ART of Loving a Man”.

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