When Thanks-giving is Hard — Giving Thanks from the Trenches

Thanks-giving isn’t always easy. 

Maybe it is for you. Maybe you have a daily mindfulness practice that includes expressing gratitude, or maybe you’re generous with words of appreciation to others. Possibly you don’t need a lift from the trenches….

…..For you, this post will serve to help you rise even higher in your gratitude practice.

But maybe you feel like you’re falling apart and gratefulness seems a far grasp. Do you believe you’re doomed by bad luck? Do you see everyone else around you getting better deals in life?

Maybe you’ve lost someone and grief or fear trump thankfulness. Perhaps you think it’s just hard to be happy where you are.

You’ll hear people say that you’re lucky to be alive; or you should be grateful to have food…shelter…a mom…____. (You fill in the blank.)

Well….yes, of course you know that you do in fact have things and people for which to be grateful. It’s just not always easy to recall these when times are tough, when your things aren’t so grand, when your people are there but not quite in the way that you wish they would be. And you just can’t force thankfulness.

So, instead of feeling like you’re in the flourish of the thanks-giving tree, do you feel like you’re in the ground, digging around the roots for hope, a big break, something to be so thankful for?

In the meantime, don’t anyone dare suggest you show a little gratitude….right?

I hear you. 

I know how jealousy can make you cling to what you have with despair and rage and force you to declare rightful ownership instead of gratefulness. 

And how envy can leave you longing, sorrowful, self-deprecating and ashamed instead of appreciative.

I know how comparison drains the life out of any small accomplishment you’ve made, sucks the joy out of a moment of pleasure, and makes you feel like you’ll never be good enough, much less happy the way things are.

I know how fear paralyzes you, keeps you from wishing, hoping and finding anything to be thankful for.

You watch opportunities expire, abundances flock to others, luck fall in surrounding spaces. You’ve fallen into a trench. You dig and you prod, but you can’t find your way out. And you certainly can’t muster up a bit of gratitude. 

But, do you see?

The problem lies in that trench, and your digging and prodding is not what will get you out of it. That’s not how you will find your way.

And find your way, you must!

You can cultivate a grateful heart. Thanks-giving starts with finding your way. 

Finding YOUR way.

Here’s what I mean:

Jealousy, envy, comparison, fear all set you up for failure, but you have the power to put them in check.

This starts with realizing and accepting where you are right now, knowing and allowing whatever you feel. No denying reality. Just acceptance of what’s weighing on you and what you can’t be thankful for.

This can at least lighten the burden and help you be more open to what else there is to feel and hope for in spite of what’s wrong. 

If expressing thankfulness doesn’t feel authentic to you right now, try just focusing on these:

• What is right in your world?
• What have you learned?
• What good do you see?
• What are your strengths and talents?
• What are you doing well?

These are important, not what you lack.

If you continue habits of focusing on the negative, avoiding giving thanks, or letting fear hold you back, you are not doing yourself any good. You’re not protecting yourself or proving anything. You will most likely become more narrow-minded and ego-centered. You’ll continue to limit your ability to cope, overcome and find your way. Your heart will continue to ache.

More tips for feeling grateful:

• Seek out sources of laughter and love, even if only in nature. These are ways to say thank you—laughing at someone’s joke, taking a moment to observe a beautiful robin mother caring for her young.

• You might need to lower some standards and demands. For a while allow yourself to think small. Consider even the tiniest areas of abundance in your life. You may discover that there are some spaces in your life in which you have plenty, or maybe more than enough. What is going well for you? Who are you thankful to have in your life? 

Questions to help you become more thankful:

• What is stopping me from being thankful? What do I need to let go of?  How can I make space for anything new if I remain unhappy with what is here and now?

• When you do muster up a bit of thankfulness, to keep the momentum going you could ask: When I DO feel thankful, how do I feel differently about myself, my life, the world around me?

• If you’re still finding it hard to show thankfulness, just look for ways to show love. There are many creative ways to express love, from a simple pat on the head (that would be referring to a dog…) to a compliment for a dish well-cooked, to a small thoughtful gift. You don’t have to make a grand gesture of thanks if you’re not there yet.

You’re just trying to find your way out of the trenches and start to cultivate a grateful heart. 

And… you’ve got this!

You might also find these other posts helpful:

A Call for Self-Care and 4 Solutions

Reset Your Mindset for Better Health

25 Powerful Questions to Develop Your Self-Worth